They’re all bastards! Lousy bastards! Feeding on the weak and undermining the whole. I’d stand to call them on it but don’t feel like putting a target on my forehead.
I wander the streets, leaving the desperate
alleys till daytime, keeping to the illumination of the streetlamps, the
conical sphere of light, like a halo that protects. I’m not fooled into any
false security.
Today, I watched them kill her. I was frozen.
Couldn’t move. Her eyes locked on mine, begging, pleading, without words,
hoping for the last chance, the last out. Paralysed, I could only return her
gaze, fish-like.
Guns fired and I returned the shots,
standing, delivering, like all those Saturday afternoon movie heroes did.
Bullets sound different whizzing inches from your head.
I ran. I got out of there knowing. Knowing
there was nothing I could do to change her fate. Nothing but catch a bullet.
Out of breath I found my home. Checked the
street for anyone following me. Heart racing, pulse pulsing, I remained in a
shadow. Ready. Ready to kill, ready to kill.
Just beyond the light I heard the shuffle of
feet. My finger tensed on the trigger. Trying to focus on the shadows I
squinted and listened with my whole being.
“Jack”, my name was whispered across the
night. “It’s me, Hank.”
I let the words fall.
Decoy? Friend? My mind split. “Trust nobody.”,
my mind said. And I listened.
I saw him turn and signal to another further
in the shadows. I let the shadow hug me, smelling danger. I could hear two
voices, Hank’s and one other. I didn’t recognize the second but their intent
was clear. I had to be gotten rid of.
Her vision was haunting me. Bringing me back
to her, to her final existence. Holding me by the neck with a Herculean death
grip. I shook my head, gentley, trying to rid my mind of her sight. Trying to
focus on the dangers at hand.
Their plan was made. Hank would watch the
front of the house, the second would guard the rear. How to silently kill them?
How to kill them and buy myself the time to escape? And to where? First things
first. How to silently kill.
Slipping to the back of the neighbouring
house I could see the outline of my victim. My ticket to freedom. Watching him
intently, I stumbled over a clothes line lying tangled like Time. Yes… it would
work perfectly! I held my breath, listening, making sure my stumble hadn’t
caused any alarm. The figure paused, then lit a smoke.
I reached into my coat pocket, undid my
jackknife and cut a good length of line. Putting my knife away, I then wrapped
the two ends of the wire firmly around my hands. Making quick loops in the air,
imagining the neck in the disappearing opening. Wondering how much noise and
how quickly death would come. Scenes from The
Godfather flashed my senses.
The cherry on his cigarette glowed like
sapphire, he had brought the butt down to hip level, and before he exhaled the
clothes line held him securely. The violent commotion of his arms flailing,
legs jerking, and the realization that his cries for help were forever trapped
in his stomach, added to his will to live; his vigour in the action of his last
moments.
I felt his struggle cease. His body fell like
a hammer. I unravelled one end of the line from my hand, still not sure if the
deed was done. Clasping the two ends of the line in my left hand, I grasped his
head with both my hands and with all my strength reefed his head to one side
with the intent of spinning it around a couple of times. I felt the neck break
and lowered the body with the line to the ground. Pulling the line free and
listening to the silence.
One down, one to go. I wondered what it would
be like to kill Hank. How long had we known each other? I made my way through a
couple of backyards, and then cut to the street. Hank was two houses away.
He didn’t know what I knew. Before leaving
the house’s shadow I drew my knife and slipped it a bit up my sleeve.
“Hank!” I hurriedly whispered, approaching
him in mock terror. “Hank, what the hell is going on? I think they’re trying to
kill me.” Hank turned. I was right up close. I could see the whites of his
eyes. My left hand reached out and firmly gripped his right wrist. The knife
slid perfectly into my grip. And I plowed it upwards and deeply under his
ribcage, pulling him closer with his own wrist. I looked him in the eyes the
whole time while repeatedly plunging the knife into him.
While the pinkish blood bubbled from the
sides of his mouth I told him I knew why he was there. I told him his other
friend, like himself, were now food for the worms. No point in letting him die
thinking I didn’t know.
I pulled his corpse into the bushes, took his
money, and went into my place. Dazed and soaked in blood I wondered how much
time I had. I quickly stripped and started a fire. No reason to leave any hard
evidence. While my clothes burned I quickly cleaned up and packed a bag.
She kept a hold of my mind strongly. The
thunder roars as I try to squeeze my eyes that much further closed to remove her
from my sight. She remains.
How did it all begin? The Boss, Hank and
myself sitting in The Lounge. Business as usual. A knock, the door opened and
there she stood. Looking cool as a cucumber awaiting the proper rituals of
introduction of a lady entering a room. Her being demanded that these
politesses were observed. I stood first, the rest followed suit.
Her voice broke the full silence with a tone
like glass. She asked to see The Boss. Hank instinctively replied to her. Hank
was an expert. He was there to protect The Boss and that’s just what he did. I
instinctively patted my gun for personal reassurances. The last years had been
unstable, to say the least.
That was four months ago, and today it all
changed. The hierarchy shifted and crumbled.
Two months after that meeting she was The
Boss’ right hand. I didn’t mind. I never thought about doing anything except
what I did. Some of the others, the old-timers, felt overlooked. But this
wasn’t some democratically run business. What The Boss wanted, was. And now she
is dead, as well as Hank and the nameless one.
I felt like I was being railroaded. Since I
woke up that morning I had felt like I had bought a ticket and was taking the
ride. And now I had to get out fast.
Oh, if my plans could have turned out the way
I saw them in my mind. Funny, how nothing turns out quite the way you had it
planned. Sitting here, disconnectedly, the pieces and the path seem so obvious.
How could the signs have been missed?
I broke my cardinal rule: Never trust anyone
in this business who applies to your emotions and not your reason. She was
fatal from moment go. I had grinded the gears and jammed it all into Overdrive
for her.
Awakening to the sound of a car rushing past
my place I stepped away from the window. No shadow, no target. I held my breath
and listened to the wheels fade, evenly. I looked around, silently said my
goodbyes and headed for the back alley. I figured I’d be safest without my car.
The night was warm, a breeze soothing, the
moon behind a cloud-like blanket. I had what I needed and moved quickly. The
city sounded quiet, too quiet. The shadows hugged me and I hugged them back. On
Lexington I hailed a cab.