“They say that breaking up is hard to do”, they weren’t kidding.
Love is a virus that is often described as an illness. “H/she is lovesick”. You must look to curing the illness in as complete and clinical way as possible.
There are numerous ways to break-up with people. You can call them. Send them an email. Do it in a public place or at home noisily. No matter the method.
It is what you do after the split that makes all the difference. Honesty is the key to the whole mess. And not some faux-honesty to the other person. No, honesty to yourself.
Firstly, sterilization of the physical and mental situation. The areas you live in must be de-contaminated. This way you do not perpetuate the illness. Photographs, letters, clothing, furniture, all physical traces must be removed.
What do you think you’ll be thinking about if you have a framed photo of your broken heart’s desire beside your bed? Not clear thoughts or thoughts that aren’t wasting your time. You must clean up your area so that you don’t keep on re-infecting yourself.
Out of sight, out of mind. Not denial of their existence but a healthy cleaning of the slate is in order to allow you to see a world untainted by them.
Make a definitive cut. Demand that a period of grace is set-up where you agree not see one another in private. Also, try to avoid seeing them in public as much as possible as well.
This prevents you from embarassing back-sliding break-up sex. Sex is an action full of shifts in status and power. A seductive option. Don’t get back into bed with your ex; ever. Don’t go back into that arena. (exception to the rule is: invited into bed with your ex and their twin)
Like any physical or mental addiction if you stop cold turkey, then have tastes of your desire, you will return to square one in the process of the break-up square dance.
You must take back what is yours from before the relationship. A city, books, movies, if shared they are tainted and should be de-contaminated.
Beware of negative and dishonest thought patterns that tell you how the pleasures of life no longer seem to have the same flavours and excitements now that they are gone…hogswash. This is the tired, lonely mind speaking. Get rid of these thoughts. Now.
The illogical bit of missing someone is that you don’t usually miss what you had, you miss what you could have had!
Be careful of the media - therein lie traps. The movies and songs perpetuating the myths of love are deadly to believe in. They have taught generations nothing but unrealistic fairytale love; and they have left us with our mediocre emotions. All of them learned reactions.
These knotted emotions, real and otherwise, entwined and raging… well, it’s no wonder we’re all confused. The fairytale love is sweet and pretty but it is not realistic. “Love is a bitch for the blues”.
O, how right. But that is not a reason to quit love. No, not at all. Love is the greatest emotion of them all, also the most dangerous. We must not take it lightly. So, unlike when we rush into love we must be careful not to rush out of it, and cause ourselves undue troubles.
Before you start to talk again about the relationship, take the time alone to try to understand what you are going through and why. It is important to be honest with yourself.
At this time there is nothing wrong with being on your own. The population of the world is not at stake.
Name calling, revenge, all that is truly just against your own wounded pride and ego. Let it slide. Don’t get into that arena. Hey, if it’s over then why bother?
Keep conscious and listen to the things you are saying to yourself. Then judge whether or not they are honest. Imagine the little angel and the little devil, like in The Flintstones, on your shoulder. Listen. Whichever one is looking forward with open eyes and heart. Listen to them.
The other path leads to loss of energy and self-respect.You cannot fool yourself. The sooner you admit to yourself you made an error in judgement - the quicker you’re free from it all.